This theater piece was created at the Freie Universität during a 2018 Drama Lab Teaching and Learning Lab improvisation session.

Characters:

The Thief (steals from the old lady, very sneaky)

The Old Lady (her bag gets stolen, she has trouble remembering, speaks in an "old lady voice")

The Shop Owner (confident, proud, calls the police)

The Police Officer (helps finding the thief, helpful)

The Thief's Assistant (distracts the lady)

Extras (customers who want to shop, possibly additional police officers to assist with arrest)

Important: The thief has to be distinguishable from extras perhaps through certain characteristics in his or her clothes.

Scene 1

somewhere in a mall, old lady looking for clothes, uses her walker or cane

Old Lady: What a lovely day to do some shopping. I hope I'll find some nice things today.

people around her are walking, shopping, mumbling to each other

thief assistant appears

Thief Assistant: Oh hello there! You look like you might need some help.

Old Lady: No thank you. I'm fine. I'm not that old.

Thief Assistant: Are you sure? I wouldn't mind helping you.

Old Lady: No, I can do this on my own.

meanwhile a thief sneaks into the scene and very carefully steals the lady's wallet

lady does not notice at first

slightly changed, the above two lines of dialogue are repeated until the wallet has been removed from the purse

Scene 2

at the checkout

Shop Owner: That is 180 Euros.

Old Lady: Let me just get out my purse. Oh no! My wallet is lost! Someone stole it!

Shop Owner: This is horrible! A robbery in my shop! Let's call the police!

police officer appears and extras start to panic

Police Officer: Someone here needs my help? I heard there was a theft.

Old Lady: Yes, yes. My bag was stolen. Thank God you're here now!

Police Officer: Did you see the thief?

Old Lady: Yes. I mean no. Or maybe I did. I can't remember.

Police Officer: Everyone stay where you are. to assistants Close all the doors!

Shop Owner: On no! This is horrible!

everyone stops moving, thief pretends to be a normal customer

Police Officer: So what do you remember?

Old Lady: Hmmm... I know it was a girl.

one after another the Police Officer points at all girls

Police Officer: What else do you remember?

Old Lady: Hmmm... She was wearing pants.

by pointing, the Police Officer eliminates all girls with skirts or dresses

Police Officer: So it is not you and not you...

Old Lady: And she was wearing shoes!

only thief remains

Police Officer: Aha! Then she must be the thief!

Thief: Oh no! How is this possible?

Police Officer looks sternly at the thief, the thief reluctantly hands the wallet back to Old Lady

Police Officer puts thief in handcuffs and they leave

Shop Owner: Thank God this is over ...